Married 3-5 years · Money · Together today
We separated 3 times in our first 4 years - and we're still together
We have been married for 3 to 5 years. Ours is a islamic marriage. We have one child together. We live in Central.
Alcohol and addiction in marriage: couples who came through
Drinking, gambling or another habit can drain money and trust. Couples share what made change possible, and when it did not come.
What couples told us
How many named this challenge
7%
Based on 529 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count
What helped most
Show the numbers
| Answer | People | % |
|---|---|---|
| Nothing helped | 13 | 37.1% |
| My family | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Pastor, imam or faith leader | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Professional counsellor | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Mentor or older couple | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Friends | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Online groups or social media | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Elders | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| A book, course or seminar | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| No one | 0 | 0% |
| My spouse's family | 0 | 0% |
| Other | 0 | 0% |
Based on 35 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count
What did not help
Show the numbers
| Answer | People | % |
|---|---|---|
| Silent treatment | 20 | 57.1% |
| Friends or family taking sides | 14 | 40% |
| Involving too many people | 13 | 37.1% |
| Threatening divorce | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Leaving home | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Social media | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Revenge | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Other | 0 | 0% |
Based on 35 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count
How they built through it
Married under 3 years · Addiction · Separated now
Alcohol or other addiction in year 3 of our marriage: what we learned
We have been married for less than 3 years. Ours is a church marriage. We have one child together. We live in Nairobi.
Married 21+ years · We keep fighting · Separated now
Communication or constant fighting in year 3 of our marriage: what we learned
We have been married for more than 20 years. Ours is a come-we-stay, later formalised marriage. We have three or more children. We live in Rift Valley.
Both spouses' sides
Fight fair on this
- 1Speak about the drinking or gambling when your spouse is sober and calm, not in the moment.
- 2Protect household money: separate what is needed for food, rent and school fees.
- 3Change usually needs outside help: a support group, a counsellor or a treatment programme.
If you are not safe
Being hit, threatened or controlled is not a rough patch - it is abuse, and it is never your fault. Help is free and confidential, for women and men.