Married 3-5 years · Money · Together today
One of us left home in our first 5 years - and we're still together
We have been married for 3 to 5 years. Ours is a church marriage. We have two children together. We live in Nyanza.
Both spouses' sides
My spouse left the house - what do I do? Couples who came back
Leaving home does not have to be the end. Many couples who separated came back together. Here is what brought them back - and what ended it for others.
What couples told us
Ever left home because of conflict
45%
Based on 644 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count
Together again after leaving home
57%
Based on 272 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count
From leaving home to today
Show the numbers
| Never left home → Together | 297 |
| Never left home → Separated now | 18 |
| Never left home → Divorced | 22 |
| Never left home → Widowed | 16 |
| Left once → Together | 85 |
| Left once → Separated now | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Left once → Divorced | 33 |
| Left once → Widowed | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Left 2-3 times → Together | 54 |
| Left 2-3 times → Separated now | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Left 2-3 times → Divorced | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Left 2-3 times → Widowed | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Left 4+ times → Together | 15 |
| Left 4+ times → Separated now | 18 |
| Left 4+ times → Divorced | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Left 4+ times → Widowed | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
Based on 644 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count
What brought them back
Show the numbers
| Answer | People | % |
|---|---|---|
| We missed each other | 73 | 47.4% |
| The children | 72 | 46.8% |
| An apology and real change | 56 | 36.4% |
| Faith and prayer | 49 | 31.8% |
| Elders or family stepped in | 46 | 29.9% |
| Pastor, imam or faith leader | 43 | 27.9% |
| Counsellor | 17 | 11% |
| Pressure from others | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Financial reasons | - | Hidden (fewer than 10) |
| Other | 0 | 0% |
Based on 154 responses · updated 13 November 2026 · How we count
How they built through it
Married 6-10 years · In-laws · Together today
One of us left home in our first 6 years - and we're still together
We have been married for 6 to 10 years. Ours is a customary marriage. We have one child together. We live in Western.
Married 6-10 years · Money · Divorced
Money and finances in year 1 of our marriage: what we learned
We have been married for 6 to 10 years. Ours is a come-we-stay, later formalised marriage. We have one child together. We live in Nairobi.
Married under 3 years · Money · Divorced
Job loss or business failure in year 3 of our marriage: what we learned
We have been married for less than 3 years. Ours is a church marriage. We have one child together. We live in Rift Valley.
Married 3-5 years · Money · Together today
We separated 3 times in our first 4 years - and we're still together
We have been married for 3 to 5 years. Ours is a islamic marriage. We have one child together. We live in Central.
Married under 3 years · Addiction · Separated now
Alcohol or other addiction in year 3 of our marriage: what we learned
We have been married for less than 3 years. Ours is a church marriage. We have one child together. We live in Nairobi.
Fight fair on this
- 1If you need space, say when you will talk again. Leaving without a word makes coming back harder.
- 2Keep the children out of the middle: no messages through them, no turning them against a parent.
- 3Coming back works best with a plan: what will be different, and who will help you.
If you are not safe
Being hit, threatened or controlled is not a rough patch - it is abuse, and it is never your fault. Help is free and confidential, for women and men.